October 14, 2025

A young woman from Bengaluru shared a simple Diwali conversation with her husband on Reddit, and wow, it struck a big chord! Posted on the popular subreddit Inside Indian Marriages, her story showed how quiet gender bias still sneaks into modern marriages. She and her husband, married for three years, live in a rented home. "Both of us come from different cities — he’s from Rajasthan and I’m from Pune," she said. For the first two years, they celebrated Diwali with his family. But this year was different. They couldn't travel because of his job interviews, her promotion, and those expensive flight tickets! She explained, "We had already visited his hometown many times this year, so staying back made sense." But guess what? The in-laws were not happy! "They are pissed, but we also need to see the economics," she added. She hoped they could visit her family in Pune next year. "I haven’t celebrated with my family for three years now, and I miss them." That’s when things got tricky. Her husband’s reaction was like she needed his permission! "Only if he agreed, could we do this." What did he say? "Next year, we can spend Diwali at my place and leave for your place the next day," he said. When she asked why not the other way round, he laughed awkwardly. He also suggested inviting her family over. But she pointed out, "Just like my in-laws can't leave their house, obviously my family can’t either." At one point, he admitted, "I know this should be changed but I’ve only seen this same thing for 32 years." When asked, "Would you be okay if your child goes to his wife’s house for Diwali and not celebrate with you?" she said, "Yeah, why would that be a problem?" He just looked away. Later, he said, "Well you belong to our family now." She replied, "Doesn’t he belong to my family too?" But he seemed scared of upsetting his parents. She said, "I’m just really annoyed and disappointed in him. He’s a brilliant husband, we’ve been equal throughout our marriage, but there’s patriarchy and inequality that still exists." She added passionately, "As a grown woman, I shouldn’t even be asking for his permission, but here we are. Had this been the other way around, it would be assumed. That’s why I’ll keep fighting for feminism." And here’s the heart of the matter: "Somehow celebrating Diwali with a girl’s family is looked down upon, that men have it SO easy and women’s experiences are so heavily overlooked and discounted." "It was a simple Diwali celebration discussion," she concluded. "I feel a good man would just offer to spend it alternatively every year. Not this… not subtle patriarchy." The Reddit community jumped in with advice and support. One wrote, "Men love equality till the time you pay equal bills. Beyond that… it feels frustrating." Another shared a smart solution: "We go to each other's place equally. Two weeks at his parents, two weeks at mine. And festivals too, like Holi here, Diwali there, switch next year." Some gave tough love: "Stop going to in-laws. Go to your parents. Soon, he’ll agree. Or don’t go anywhere." One bluntly said, "This dude is not a great husband if he can’t see how much you’re hurting. Don’t lower the bar." Another commenter said, "You are not equal in your marriage and don’t need his permission to visit your parents." So, what’s the best way to handle this age-old festival tug-of-war? Only time will tell. Meanwhile, this Bengaluru woman’s honest post shines a light on how some old habits die hard—even on grand festival days like Diwali.

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Tags: Diwali, Gender bias, Marriage, Reddit, Family, Patriarchy,